Lying on the operating theatre with my husband holding me close, hearing the beautiful little cries from our wee warriors. These are moments I will cherish forever. Our miracle twin boys battled twin to twin transfusion syndrome and made it through life saving laser surgery at 21 weeks gestation. Against all odds they were born crying and able to breathe for themselves.
Benjamin was born first, weighing in at a teeny 3lbs and 6oz. He was so delicate and had the most beautiful little round face and button nose. Harry followed very quickly, a featherweight at a minuscule 1lb and 14oz. He was perfect but so so tiny and vulnerable looking. My first sight of the boys were through my husbands photos as I lay on the operating theatre and the surgeon completed the Caesarean section. I was dying to hold them close and cuddle them in to me but once they were stabilised, they were brought straight to the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU).
After I got out of theatre, two of the doctors from the NICU came up to the recovery ward. I will never forget the huge grins they had on their faces. They had anticipated two very sick babies who would need rushed to ICU and put on a ventilator immediately. But the boys were doing better than they could ever have expected – they were both breathing on their own! They were very early and very delicate and they would need a lot of special care but they were doing so well despite everything they had been through.
Nothing could ever prepare you for the emotional whirlwind that is meeting your newborn for the first time. Imagine that and then build in many months of worry, an emergency Caesarean section, babies being born 10 weeks too early and lots of post operative pain killers! I was a mess. Tears spilling out. I don’t think I have ever experienced such deep joy and thankfulness. My prayers had been answered and my little babies were with me. Our little family had just doubled in size!
There were a lot of wires. A lot of beeping machines. A lot of nurses for a tiny little ward with only 4 incubators. But it was warm and friendly. The nurses were so so gentle as they worked away with our precious little bundles. Both B and H had little hats on, with Velcro attachments to keep in place the little mask over their nose, which were supporting the boys breathing with some pressurised air. They both had 3 little heart monitors on their chest, an oxygen saturation probe on their foot and a drip in their arm. I was terrified that I’d dislodge something important.
Mr C and I were dying to hold our baby boys but on that first night they were too weak and fragile – they needed to recover from the trauma of the birth. We had to content ourselves with holding their teeny little hands and staring at their beautiful faces through the portholes in each incubator. Just like that, we were mummy and daddy. I was totally in love already.
The next morning, Mr C wheeled me up to the neonatal unit as soon as I could persuade the nurses that I could walk a few steps! Our little boys had had a good first night. Their little personalities were evident from Day 1. Chilled out little B spending the majority of his time sound asleep, curled up in a little ball and our wee warrior, Harry, wide awake and kicking away with his tiny sparrow like legs.
From cuddle number 1, the twin guilt started! As soon as I had one of my little beauties snuggled into my chest, I was looking at the other one and feeling bad that I wasn’t holding them too! (This was despite the fact that they were blissfully happy, purring away in Daddy’s arms.) The nurses had the perfect solution and I got to snuggle them both at once – they were tucked down my top and lying on my chest kangaroo style. These first cuddles were so so special.
How were your first moments with your newborn baby?
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