Last weekend we played a game of babies vs. wedding.
It wasn’t a fun game.
And the babies definitely won.
This was our second attempt at wedding frivolity with the twins in toe. The first was semi successful. There were no major screaming/vomit/poo related incidents. But did we enjoy it? Not so much.
We did a lot of pre-wedding preparation, we packed a car very very full of stuff, we rushed to get bottle feeds and spoon feeds fitted in between the ceremony, the meal, the speeches etc. It was a lot of work. And there wasn’t much pay-off.
I was determined that this wedding would be fun.
My cousin was getting married and I’d been looking forward to the wedding for ages. It was in the most gorgeous location, all my family were going and we were all staying over. The ceremony was beautiful (I left the boys with their Daddy for this part), the bride was stunning, the venue was charming and the speeches were witty.
But for us, the wedding was a lesson in how our lives had changed irrevocably. Weddings will never be the same again!
Here’s 12 reasons you should never bring your baby / twin babies to a wedding:
1. Fantasies of fairy-tale days out with beautifully dressed babies that smile and coo all day are just that. Fantasy.
2. Every second of the ceremony will be spent on high alert. Waiting to grab the baby bag and run out as soon as the baby makes the slightest noise. If you don’t, you’ll get disapproving looks all day from at least 5 guests…
3. You will end up with vomit / snot / poo (delete as appropriate) on your favourite dress.
4. You won’t actually get that catch up with your long lost university friends. If you do, it’ll not be like the old days over a nice bottle of wine. It’ll be 2 minutes snatched here and there between bottle feeds / nappy changes / spoon feeds etc.etc.
5. The military planning required to get you all to the wedding on time, in clean clothes and with enough supplies for the day requires serious forethought, time and mental energy.
6. Unless you’ve booked to stay over, you can expect a heated debate / row with your other half about who’s driving home. If you’ve booked a room, add another day to the planning of the excursion!
7. Wedding venues do not provide baby entertainment. A day without a play gym, jumperoo and a baby walker = a very long day indeed.
8. Babies do not like schedules that are not built around their needs. Weddings are all about the schedule. You’ll spend the day trying to fit all the baby stuff around the ceremony, drinks reception, meal, reception, speeches, first dance etc.etc.
9. If you are not the designated driver, expect to lapse into baby babble and/or an attack of the yawns after a few sips of champagne!
10. You will get indigestion. As you try and shovel the lovely meal down as quickly as is humanly possible so you can pick the baby up so they stop disturbing the peace!
11. You will be the couple that you used to write off as party poopers. As you try (unsuccessfully) to slip out of the party at 9pm, when everyone else is just about to hit the dance floor!
12. You’ll feel really guilty when you get home and realise you hard about 100 photos from the wedding, all of which feature the babies looking cute; none of which feature a bride or groom.
I have learnt two main lessons from our babes at wedding experiences:
One: avoid bringing babies to weddings at all costs. My best friend is getting married in a few weeks time and Granny and Granda are well and truly booked In to babysit!
Two: social media is a liar. A big fat liar. Here’s some of the photos that Mr C posted on Facebook. He managed to capture some of the few moments that the boys were relaxed, happy and not vomiting. So everyone now thinks we are the model family, with model babies. Until they read this post.
I’m linking up with #MarvMondays and #coolmumclub