Position Vacant: Night Nanny Required

My little twin boys are so happy, content and full of fun. I love spending my days playing with them, pulling silly faces, reading endless books and getting covered in baby mush at every feed. That is, up until it hits 7pm.   

From about 6 -10 months the boys slept so well. We’d pop them up to bed at 7pm and with a few shushes and strokes to their head they were off to sleep. Then we’d settle down to some dinner, clear up and get things ready for the next morning. Flopping unto the sofa around 9pm to relax for an hour before bed. I felt a teeny bit guilty for loving having our evenings back. But I did love it. I needed it. 

Now I am mourning their loss. They’ve now been gone for two whole months. Hopefully not forever. 

When the clock strikes seven, the twins morph into little sleep stealing gremlins. Gone are my super cute, happy boys. Hello crazy babies.  

They seem sleepy right up until they hit the cot mattress. Then all of a sudden they wake up and the baby gymnastics start in their cots. So it’s time. We need a night nanny.  

Position Vacant: Night Nanny*

Essential Criteria:

• You’ll have elastic arms and a stretchy back to stand in between two cots and stroke two heads at once

• An appreciation for the French Grey paint on the back wall of the nursery is a must. You’re going to be looking at it a lot

• You’ll need to understand this equation and ensure your response times are quick enough to avoid its development: A crying baby = a coughing baby = a vomiting baby = a baby that wakes his brother = two crying, babies, covered in vomit = two more baths = two more bottle feeds = two babies that need settled to sleep again in two clean cots

• You’ll have arms that can carry at least one baby for hours at at time while you pace up and down the room in the hope that sleep will eventually come 

• The ability to survive on less than 3 hours of undisturbed sleep per night

Desirable Criteria: 

• The magical ability to teach our babies how to sleep

That is it, if you can do that, you’re hired 

*Unfortunately this advert and the funds to support it, exist purely in my imagination. So if you do happen to have any ideas of how we can get our twins to sleep, please join the conversation below. All weird and wonderful suggestions welcome! Please.

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